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How to Be A Successful Internet Troll

Being an internet troll is an addicting hobby of many a internet users these days. But there are so many people doing it that many people are actively prepared to deal with a mediocre troll. To be a successful troll, you need to break past these barriers, offend those who claim to be immune to such things, laugh in the face of “Do Not Feed The Trolls” messages. Here are some helpful tips to enable you to become the internet’s most hated.

1) Start out incognito. The best thing you can do in trolling a community is to explore it a little and give a nice welcome post. If they don’t suspect you’re a troll, you’ll get your hooks in them much easier.

2) Attack Ruthlessly. Never criticize spelling. Everyone’s seen the trolls that complain about improper grammar, and no one respects them. We all know a typo does not mean you have an IQ of 5. Instead, go for the jugular, attack the most popular person on the site by calling them a whore or a liar. You’ll soon start getting everyone in the community rallying to their defense.

3) Make it personal. If you have a picture, focus on the one thing the person must hate about themselves, like pimples or a triple chin. Find out everything you can about them using a google search with their profile info, then write something that directly relates to an insecurity of theirs or a bad moment in their personal lives.

4) Make reasonable assumptions. Saying something about their brother dying won’t mean anything if they don’t have a brother. Instead, if you’re going to make stuff up about their lives, act like professional psychics do. Use generic information that affects most people and apply it to them personally. Most girls these days were abused, go ahead and say something vague about her getting what she deserved. Make her cry and you’ll start smiling in no time.

5) Don’t listen to them. Yes, argue with things they say, but if they are getting repetitive, just start ignoring them. You’ll be amazed how angry someone can get when you don’t care what they type.

6) Don’t forget some shockers. If they are Christian, post aborted baby pictures. If they are vegan, post pictures with piles of dead dogs. Get under their skin. Don’t bother with a video, as they won’t play it if they already hate you.

7) When you’re done, delete your profile. People get sincerely upset when the person they are arguing with suddenly disappear and they can’t get the last word in. Besides, it makes it way easier for you to join and talk shit later on when they won’t recognize you.

Remember, they may think they won the argument, but they never do. In making them upset, you’ve won. Have fun losers!

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2 Comments

  1. Timmy McTimmerson wrote:

    I will take your advice. This site SUCK

    Saturday, August 30, 2008 at 5:38 am | Permalink
  2. Intelectual Observer wrote:

    This method IS really harsh. I guess that’s why I am looking up directions on how to be a good troll. Hah! I can take quite a bit away from this; the not getting mad, fueling their anger and being nice in the begining were pretty general points. Kind of the GENERAL definition of trolling. I hope I really can get this to work for me, I must have such a problem with angering people, so now I am going to work on that! :3

    I have no idea where I was going with that.

    Wednesday, May 16, 2012 at 10:42 am | Permalink

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